Second Chance

Becoming a parent for the second time is a completely different experience then the first time.  I have a better idea of what to expect both in pregnancy and birth.  Last time with about 6-8 weeks left in my pregnancy they found sugar in my urine.  We learned soon after that that I had Gestational Diabetes (GD) and the end of my pregnancy with Ant was a roller coaster.  Ant’s birth wasn’t ideal either with an induction, BP issues, and a week stay in the NICU.  As a second time parent I want to avoid these things.

I wasn’t sure how much I could control some of these factors.  The GD was obviously something I couldn’t change but we caught it early and I am currently managing my sugars with diet and exercise.  The goal is to keep my sugars in check through my whole pregnancy and avoid having baby girl in the NICU also.

The biggest regret I have about Ant’s birth was missing the first 24hrs of his life due to hime being in the NICU and me recovering from a c-sec.  I am being very proactive this pregnancy and have hired a doula to help me VBAC(Vaginal Birth After C-sec), finding a supportive provider, and hypnobirthing classing.  If I end up needing a c-sec again I am ok with this but I would prefer a natural birth.  I want to breastfeed my daughter minutes after giving birth.  I want her to be with us in the hospital room.

All I can do is prepare and hope for the best.  The rest is in God’s hands and my caregivers.

Not a Big Deal

Five years ago when we were pregnant with Ant, I was concerned about how he was not genetically related to me.  This time around, it is the last thing on my mind.  What I have learned in the last five years is that genetics don’t matter, the love of a family matters.  We have told Ant his story many times.  Since transferring Frosty it has given us many opportunities to talk about Ant’s and Frosty’s story.

Someday I hope to tell our Egg Donor how grateful I am for her donation.  She has helped us create our perfect family of four.  I love our children and look forward to doing this all over again with our daughter Frosty.  Maybe time for a new nickname too :)

19 weeks


Time is flying by and it is hard to believe  that this pregnancy is almost halfway over.  It is amazing how different I feel this time around.  I have more energy and I am exercising. 
Let me catch you up on what is going on.  I failed my one hour glucose test and I am now being treated like I am gestational diabetic. My goal is to have my sugars under control and avoid the NICU this time around.  We have also hired a doula to help me with my goal of a VBAC.  My number 1 fear is missing out on the first 24 hours of this BABY’S life too.  Also, I have decided to switch from the big OB practice to a small midwife practice.  They have great VBAC  statistics and I look forward to getting to know them better.

Life in general has been very busy between family, work, grad school, physical therapy, and preparing for this baby.  One of my oldest and closest friends is helping me organize our house to make room for baby.  The plan is to have it all finished before baby arrives.

Frosty is doing great.  In the last   couple weeks movements and kicks have been stronger.  DH  got to feel Frosty kick too.  Now I hope Ant can get a chance to feel Frosty kick soon.  This week is the big u/s where can find out the gender.  I have no strong preference.  We are planning a reveal for family and friends this weekend.  Then the real planning begins.

We are PREGNANT!!!

Today is July 28, 2014, These early post will go up after we have made our official announcement.

We did our transfer on Monday July 14, 2014.  We had one beautiful embryo to transfer.  At transfer Frosty was already hatching.  Everyone was very happy with Frosty’s quality.  Transfer was uneventful and we were in and out of the office in less then an hour.

FrostyAround Sunday July 20th I started having some early pregnancy symptoms such as frequent urination and pregnancy brain.  I blamed these symptoms on other things.  Early that week DH and I discussed taking a pregnancy test early since he would not be with me the date of our beta.  He had to work and this way we would find out together.  I caved and bought wondfo pregnancy tests and some First Response pregnancy tests.  I started POAS (peeing on a stick) on July 24th, 10 days post transfer.  The cheapie wondfo tests were great. As you can see bellow the line gets darker everyday!Pee sticks
On  Monday July 28th I went in for my first beta.  My RN called me that afternoon with the good news that our beta was very strong at 2414, 14 days post transfer.

We have been over the moon excited about baby #2 and it has been really hard to keep it under the radar.  We will see how long we last keeping this a secret.  At this point we have told a select group of friends but don’t want to tell the whole world till we have at least seen the heart beat.

Ant is very excited about being a big brother.  We actually told him about transfer and how they put a baby in my belly.  When he started asking about having a sibling is when I started to explain to him how I needed help and about his conception a little bit more.  I told him that we were going to try one more time and if it worked he would be a brother.  If it didn’t work it would be just the 3 of us.  Ant would then correct me and say, “No, the 5 of us.  You can’t forget Hammy and Athena our cats.”  So far he has been great at keeping our secret but definitely wants to share the good news with his friends.

Later today on the 28th on the way home someone rear ended me. It was minor but it stole part of my joy and replaced it with fear.  Luckily none of us were hurt seriously and Frosty seems to be doing great still.  What I am most upset about is that  my joy has been temporarily lost.  I want to find that excitement again about Frosty.  Over the next couple days I hope to recapture the joy we initially felt when we found out the news that we are going to be adding to our family.

We have some news!

10537141_10152396414613335_3487639368664271028_oI have wanted to share sooner but I have friends and family in real life that follow my blog now.  For baby #2 I wanted to make a real announcement.  Ant is so excited about being a big brother and insists that he is getting a baby sister.  We will find out in November.  More to come later.


Snowy Day

1898229_10152031740178335_815329120_n After many years of living with infertility I have learned that life is short.  It is so important to not let life pass you by.  At the end of February we traveled to Disney World for Ant’s 4th birthday and to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  It was an amazing trip and I look forward to going back soon.

While in Disney World Ant ran his first race and I ran my second half marathon.  Ant loves running as much as his mother and I see many races in his future.  The Princess Half Marathon was amazing.  I look forward to next time when I am not rehabbing.  There are many more races in my future.


This picture is from today. We got another 6+ inches of snow and Ant was helping me remove it from my care.

FET is going as planned, all we need to do is some blood work and pick a transfer date.  Transfer day will be here before I know it.

Mix of emotions

I had my mock transfer yesterday and it has created a mix of emotions.  In the last 4 years I have enjoyed my freedom from infertility (minus a melt down or two).  For the first time in a long time we were living and enjoying our lives.  In the last 10 days I have had 3 fertility appointments!  It is exciting to know that the ball is rolling and Totsicle will come home with us soon but it also brings fear, jealousy, and apprehension.

For the first time in a long time I was in tears.  I was so overwhelmed that I have almost convinced myself that if this doesn’t work then we are done.  I may waiver on this later but I have decided that fertility testing is not for me.  It is to time consuming and restricting.

Now that I am over 24hrs removed I am feeling better about everything and all this test has brought a new found appreciation of the many blessings in our lives.  I hope in the next couple days to write an update about Ant.  He is such an amazing little boy, we have been so blessed.

The no talk zone

You can tell you are at a RE appointment when it is completely quiet in the waiting room. Everyone’s eyes are on their phone or a magazine. The women’s faces are sad, exhausted and hopeful. This is the third appointment in the last month and if I didn’t want a second child. I want to run out of this office screaming.

There are so many memories of past cycles, tests, and support groups. I pray that we are lucky this time around.