I was asked by one of my wonderful tweep mates to do a guest blog. Excuse me for I’ve never blogged in my life. My journey began 4 yrs ago when my then boyfriend, now husband, and I decided to try and have a baby. We’ve both been married before, no kids, and we knew we wanted to be together so we decided, hey why not. So after a year of trying, nothing happened. Then the next year I decided to do the OPK’s. Well, we got married May 15, 2009 and I got on his ins which covers our fertility treatments, thank God.
We started with IUI’s, did 4 and finally got pregnant. So exciting but I was nervous cause you know deep in your gut something isnt right. Well, my gut was right, it was ectopic. What devastating news to someone who has been going through all this and seriously its in 1% of pregnancies. 1% is of course ME! I ended up doing Methotrexate to dissolve the pregnancy, which worked. Thank God I didnt have to do surgery. We took a few months off after that and went on a much needed vacay, aka late honeymoon to Jamaica. Once we got back I was eager to start again. We decided to go with IVF cause my RE was scared I would have another ectopic.
My IVF journey did not start off very well. With all the injections and doing Lupron for the first time, I only produced 1 follicle. I was devastated, again. So, instead of wasting one of our IVF cycles on it, we did another IUI and we were back to nothing, again. My RE thought the Lupron was too much for me, supressing my ovaries. And so we started again. July of 2010 I started my injections again and this time no Lupron. I had 11-13 follicles so my RE felt it was a good number. So, I had my first retrieval at the end of July. It was not a good experience, I was a mess! Everytime I stood up I was dizzy, almost passed out, puked. Then for 3 days I couldnt stand up straight, bloated, it felt like I had a lot of pressure on my rectum, sorry TMI. But, they said it was all normal cause my ovaries were large and pushing on my intestines. So, day 3 came and we were on our way to the clinic for transfer and of course they called us and said we will wait til day 5. OUr clinic is 2hrs away from us. That day, July 31st, will forever be stuck in my head because I wasnt even home 2hrs and I got a call my grandma had died. It was not a good day, but thank God I didnt have my transfer that day. Day 5 came and we went to get our 2 emby’s, a blast and a morula transferred. I only had 1 day of bedrest because we had to travel back to my home town and go to my grandmothers visitation and funeral. It was so stressful dealing with IVF and losing my only grandma. Then we found out of the 6 eggs I had, none of them survived to be frozen. So the 2 week wait was not a fun one either. The day I was suppose to get my first beta checked, I started spotting. I tearfully called my nurse and she said go ahead and get it checked anyways. Well, I wasnt pregnant. That was a horrible feeling knowing you go through all of that to hear those words, youre not pregnant. This was the first time I saw my dh show any emotion, even when we lost our angel baby that Jan. He finally cried! I was so happy that he finally let out some emotion cause it made me feel better, but broke my heart too.
My determination didnt stop me at this point. I was ready to keep going and so in Oct we decided to try for round 2. Going to the clinic for our initial US the nurse “found” something. Ok, what next? RE wanted a MRI to rule out anything. MRI showed I had a cyst or tumor on my left ovary. Seriously, I was not a happy person. So, Dec 16th I had a lap to remove this so called “cyst” on my ovary. My OBGYN told me there was a possibility I may lose my ovary if its bad and I sat in the room and cried. No, I need my ovaries!! Out of recovery first question I asked was did I lose it. No, but to my surprise both of my ovaries were connected by scar tissue and that was the mass, tumor or whatever they saw on my left ovary. Craziness!!! She removed the scar tissue and put them back where they belonged.
It took me 4 months to get back into IVF 2. I was ready and determined to get this party started. April 2nd I had my 2nd retrieval. 5 eggs: 1 didnt make it, 1 didnt survive ICSI, so I had 3 possible good ones. The next report 2 didnt make it and so we had 1 left to transfer on day 3. Dh and I started on our 2hr journey to get our lonesome emby transfered. We were 45min away, my phone rings. I saw the number and my heart stopped, it was the clinic. I looked at my dh and said, Oh no. My RE said my last emby was framenting and they dont usually transfer those. We turned the car around and headed home. That was the worst car ride Ive ever had, sobbing all the way home.
What next? With a few wks of depression and some counseling I started to feel a little better. Then a wonderful facebook friend the2weekwait, introduced me to twitter. She said it would help to talk to others going through what Im dealing with now. So, reluctantly, I joined twitter. Let me just say, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I met some of the best girls on here. Dealing with trying to figure out what the hell do I do now, I met donordiva. Hearing what she had gone through and giving me things to read on donor egg, helped me make an important decision. I chose to do donor egg. I had a really hard time with this at first. I felt lost and sad at the fact I will not have my own genetic child. I wont see myself in this child, the eyes, the face, the smile. I cried and cried about this for days. But after doing some research she had given me, it amazed me.
So, my story has not ended yet. We found a donor who could possibly be my twin at the age of 5! She came to us in such a way that was a sign to me. When I saw her on the list I immediately knew I wanted her. But, she was on hold. Im so thankful I told the nurse I wanted her. After 2months of looking at other donors, I get a call telling me she was available now. Oh I cried and laughed and cried some more. We are now in the final stages of our cycle. NEL(Nice Egg Lady) is what we call her, starts her injections on Sept 1st and I start my Estrace, thank God! Ive been on Lupron for a month now and its evil, evil I say!!! So we are looking at a possible ER Sept 11-12. I havent been this excited in awhile now. I feel that God brought NEL into our lives for a reason, so this is a good sign. I totally believe that things happen for a reason.
This is my IF journey. It has been a rough one, but Ive made it through. I feel good things are about to come in the next few weeks. I pray everyday and I have a lot of hope and faith. Im not going to lie and say I havent had doubt, theres always doubt in my head, but faith is stronger. Thanks for letting me share my story with you. And thank you Donordiva for letting me share it.