Dear Totsicle

Dear Totsicle,
(Our frozen embryo)

This week we met with the RE about bringing you home.  At this point I am excited and scared. I am excited about the possibility of your older brother Ant having a baby sister or brother (BTW: your brother has requested a sister).

Over the last 5 years your dad and I have struggled with when the right time would be to add to our family.  If it was up to me, you would have been here already but I am glad that we have waited.  By the time you are here I will have my masters degree and your big brother will be getting ready for Kindergarten.

This is a scary time also because the RE gives us a 50% chance of you snuggling.  We want our baby #2 to be you.  Are we going to be lucky a second time? Or will we have to explore more options.  My dear Totsicle I hope and pray that you snuggle in.


Your Hopeful Future Mom



The Protector

I have never been afraid of telling anyone about how we conceived Ant but as some things change in our lives.  DH recently got a job being a choir director at a Baptist church.  This has been a huge change for me attending a Baptist church compared to my Lutheran roots.

At the church we were attending everyone knew of our struggles to conceive and they were very supportive. I even had a great conversation with our Pastor about using an egg donor.  To my surprise he was 100% supportive of our choice.  We were very comfortable.

Since DH started we have been attending with him every week and have enjoyed getting to know everyone at the church.  Since I didn’t grow up Baptist and don’t know all of the differences yet, I am reluctant to share Ant’s story with anyone.  There a few things that need to be decided before we would officially decide joining this new church.

Also, about a week ago our daycare provider (Danny) was asking me about having more children.  She was very sweet about it and I gave her the PG version,  “Ant was very expensive and took many years to conceive. We would like another but we have to wait and see.”  After telling Danny this I saw a crucifix hanging from her neck and was fearfully she would start treating Ant differently now.  With all the Catholic talk lately it is making more worry.  Of course Danny treats us the same but the older Ant gets the more I worry.

As Ant’s mother I want to protect him from people who don’t accept his conception or would think he is less of a person because he was created with the help of an egg donor.  At times I think it is silly to worry about things like this but I know people like this exist.  Luckily, no one has out right confronted us, maybe they just talk behind our backs? It is so important to build a safe and accepting base for Ant.  As a child via egg donation I feel it is even more important for him because he is already different then many of his piers.  Egg donation is not the norm.

I know I can’t protect Ant from every situation but I am going to do my best to give him the most supportive environment as possible.


Secondary Infertility and ICLW

Welcome to all the ICLWers!  If you don’t know what ICLW stands for it is International Comment Leaving Week.  If you want more information about ICLW just click on the red icon to the right of this post.

A little about me, I am a mom to my amazing DS Ant who was conceived with the help of an egg donor.  We opted to use an egg donor after almost 3 years of TTC (High FSH and 2 failed IVFs).  We were very luck to get pregnant the first time and for the most part had an uneventful pregnancy.  Now Ant is almost 2 and I am longing for another child. We have been TTC naturally since AF returned 7 months ago.  This cycle I started vitex and I am waiting for AF to come (or not to come).

I also blog for Fertility Authority and my most recent post is about secondary infertility.  If you get a chance please stop by and read it.  It is a great post about my current state of mind.

Please read, come back and tell me what you think!