“You are not your sons genetic mother though right? That one cell has the largest impact on how the child looks, grows, diseases, even traits like intelligence and sometimes habits. You are your sons mother through and through but he does have an important figure out there. I really think it’ll be best for you to come to terms with this.”

This comment was posted to “I am the Mom!” This comment has been sitting in my comment box for about 6 months now.

When I first received this comment I was livid.  How dare someone tell me I am not his genetic mother?  As time passes and I come to terms with everything there is some truth in this comment.  There is a part of me that I will never share with Ant.  I have known this from the start.  This comment just reminds me of my insecurities about egg donation.

Recently I had a conversation with someone on twitter about disclosure.  She has a friend who has children via egg donation also.  While they were discussing disclosure her friend told her to not disclose while her children were young.  The reason for this mother not disclosing early is fear.  The fear of her child telling her, “You aren’t my mommy.”  As a parent via egg donation fear of rejection top my list.  There is no doubt in my mind that some day those words will come out of Ant’s mouth (most likely in anger).

Fear of rejection can’t run our lives.  We need to be open an honest with our children and put them first.  Would someone let you adopt if you weren’t going to disclose to the child? One of the most important things as a parent is being open and honest with your child from the very beginning.  Ant knows he is a very special boy and how much we love him.  He will grow up always knowing about his conception, it is not to complicated for him.  Start slow!

Back to the comment…the part that stung the most to me is looks.  The dream of seeing myself physically in my child hasn’t left.  It hurts me that my 1 cell wasn’t good enough to create a child.  But you I can’t hid from the truth, Ant isn’t genetically related to me!  There I said it!  Are you happy?  I am!  I am happy because even though we don’t share these genes my love for you is overwhelming.