These passed two months I have been a little very baby crazy. There have been a few times since Ant’s birth that I felt the overwhelming desire to have a second child but these last two have been the hardest. I studied my chart several times a day to see if I thought ovulation was happening or if I thought my BBT was showing me I was pregnant. The obsession was taking over and driving me crazy. To top it of the flood of pregnancy/birth announcements and the birth of 3 new babies in my family made it hard to hid my desire.
Over the last few days I have had some time to reflect and realize where this path is taking me. Where I am heading is to that deep dark depressing hole that I lived in for years. The last thing I want is to return there. This means there are some changes that NEED to happen.
As much as I want to be pregnant NOW, it just isn’t in the cards right now.
- We can’t afford an FET right now
- Ant is still breastfeeding
- I am not ready to adopt yet (and there is no money to adopt)
- It would have to happen on its own (and we already know how likely that is)
So, where does this leave me and what should I do?
Well, #1 is no more BBT and #2 enjoy life! If infertility hasn’t taught me anything is that I wasted years being depressed trying to get pregnant. I will not waste anymore time! Ant is here and growing fast. The last thing I want is to miss out because I was to consumed with having a second child.
Here is the plan (I love to plan):
- Still take Vitex (since it seems to be helping my cycle)
- Work on eating healthier and being healthier as a family
- EXERCISING DAILY!!!
- Save money and pay off all debts due to all our fertility treatments.
- Enjoy breastfeeding Ant till he is ready to wean (or I am ready to wean)
- No more checking charts, cervical mucus, or check temperatures
- Enjoy Ant and DH
This doesn’t mean I am giving up but just putting everything in “God’s hands!” As much as I dislike that phrase, it is what I am doing.
